Friday, August 19, 2016


I blog for many reasons. But mainly I do it for my daughter. If she asks this ever to be taken off line, I will. As I guard her privacy and how "open" I am about her. As I know this is a public forum. However, this is also a place for those thinking about adoption, or may be for those that never did and will consider. Hopefully, this is a testament to how wonderful it is and brings light to its challenges.

That all being said, I know none of my friends read this blog. They just don't. We call or talk about life, so sometimes they don't see all these photos or know all these details, or sometimes the know about details I never even address here. I know that some long distance family pop on here time to time and this is a great way for them to see her grow up. And I know that a circle of adoption families that I've met along the way in this journey read this time to time as I do theirs.

So I'm always surprised when I get an email from a reader. It's usually spam mail, but time to time is someone I don't know with a question about adoption or a process, or just thanking me for putting this information out there as it's helped them.

Well, today I got an interesting email from no one I know. And I thought it'd be good to set the record straight on a few things, just in case. Their email read:
Ashton is so smart, creative,animated and  stinking cute that I follow your blog with enormous enjoyment. While it is pure speculation on my part based on piecemeal information from your blog and youtube videos, I paid attention to what appears to be Ashton's challenges in singing, writing, and sleep. I hope you don't mind my asking questions which you don't need to answer.
Ashton is still young and some toddlers take their time to develop a full set of language skills. If speech, writing and reading skills are going to be delayed much much longer than expected in the future, would a clinical evaluation of dyslexia be an option?

Many dyslexic children have ADHD which is often associated with a sleep disorder such as sleep apnea, leading to tiredness in the morning.

Sleep apnea has a very interesting relationship with ADHD in children. It can be a cause of ADHD or it can be a symptom.  A completely different treatment protocol is required for sleep apnea being a cause, rather than a symptom of ADHD. A clinical sleep evaluation, if Ashton can tolerate it, may offer helpful direction.
So my response to this is, thank you for finding enjoyment from the blog. It's a testament for her and to help others on their path or questions about adoption.

I don't think Ashton has any challenges in singing or writing. It actually surprised me to hear you say so.

Ashton loves to sing and makes up words all the time to her own songs. I think she actually has a gift. But every time I video her "on the spot" she gets nervous and all the things I see don't happen on video. I get a small fragment. Totally understandable, "she's on the spot". She doesn't do well on the spot. Same goes with her violin recitals. She does great at practice, but when "performing" she doesn't show anything. My girl gets "stage fright" in a sense. Totally acceptable at her age. She gets shy too when we go to new places. It takes her about 30 minutes to warm up and be her delightful self. So I video what I can for my family and friends to delight in and know it's not as good as when she's not on camera. And that's okay. But for those that done't know her, and only seeing her sturggle to sing while on the spot, that makes sense. But I never thought of it that way until this was pointed out.

As for writing... I'm really not sure where that came from at all. She is doing very well. I've taken a few photos of her writing her name, but I don't remember what would allude to her being behind in this instance. And her daycare provider who teaches her to write, thinks she does very well. She is very good and letting me know her strength and weaknesses. Every kid has them and she doesn't have to exceed all expectations in all things. Her worst problem is staying seated. Again normal for a 4 year old, especially this one who has NEVER like to sit still in a car, at the table, she loves to move. Nothing wrong with that. Growing up and maturity will help with this I am sure.

Ashton has no delays and is exceptionally smart. (She was evaluated by IStep, and they reported her to be on course with no delays.) She doesn't start Kindergarten until next year, and she is actually ahead in many skills. I am not going to list and do a comparison of what she does and where she ranks. I don't believe her "achievements" or "expectations" need to be listed for everyone to judge her on an open forum. But from time to time like any normal mother, I will boast about her achievements because that is what parents do. But for the record, I don't think she has dyslexia or is behind on her reading. I know a lot about dyslexia as her father has it. He is very sensitive to the issues and challenges of dyslexia and it's never crossed his mind or mine that she would have this. Again, she's so young and learning to read, so until her skills are more developed or not, we're not going to worry as her teacher hasn't said anything about any red flags in this area when she's learning with the other children. And I don't see any when she is with me.

As for sleeping, she just doesn't like to sleep alone. She grew up at a SWI where there were many children and nannies. So being alone is a challenge for her. So there are days she does great, other ones, not so much. Sometimes she struggles through the night and others she sleeps with us and sleeps fine. I have gotten much advise on this and read much. I truly don't think she has sleep apnea. I have family with ADHD, so again I'm familiar with this.

So unless this becomes more of a problem later in life, I just go with it and blog about it because I believe this is one of her challenges from adoption, her former life that she's carried over. I don't blame her. I don'' seek help. I'm letting it run it's coarse to see how it works it self out. Again, if things get worse, I may seek help at that point. But we've put lots of trial and errors in place to help her like any parent, and sometimes it works, and sometimes not. Sleeping is a struggle, but there are months that goes by great and some not so. And every parent with their unique kid have unique ways of dealing. We don't have 1 way. Each night is different and we handle it differently. We're not perfect, but we adapt each situation to what we think is best at the time.

That being said, I love being emailed and asked questions. I have no idea how my blogging comes across sometimes. I try to be inviting and open without being trolled. I welcome such emails and as I don't know this person, it's easy to see how there can be "communication" problems on my part on how I describe a situation or allude to it, not realizing how it comes across.

I've been very fortunate that I've found lots of encouragement and genuine interest in adoption or the health of my child through this blog. I do believe that God is helping me be a touchstone to others and they are for me.
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1 comment:

  1. Hello!
    I just wanted to comment saying how much I enjoy your blog! I don't believe I've ever comment on here in the almost three-years I've followed your beautiful family! Out of the almost three hundred adoption blogs I follow, Ashton has to be one of my favorite kiddos to "see" grow up! She's such a beautiful and smart little girl.
    Anyway, I just wanted to comment on how excited I get when I see you've posted on here!
    Have a wonderful week!
    ~Lindsey Z.


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