Thursday, October 22, 2015

Fanciful Night

Yesterday was a hard day and even harder night.

It's been a hard month actually. We've had toilet bowls break, doors break, dryer break, and more. The house has been falling apart on us. Add to it that both my husband and I are sick with the cold/flu and trying to keep it from Ashton. I don't want her sick on her birthday.

And yesterday was the worst I had felt with my cold. I had the headache, coughing, runny nose... I was miserable. I was hoping to come home and have the family watch "Back to the Future II" in honor or October 21, 2015 - Back to the Future Day. As that is the day Marty went to the future. But life had other plans.

My head was feeling too badly for me to watch anything and as we were eating dinner, my husband went upstairs for something and came back down with Fancy in his arms.

Fancy who was fine yesterday, today could not walk or stand. He showed me and she just collapsed. She must have had a stroke while we were at work. He wrapped her up in a towel and cuddled with her all night.

We knew she was leaving us. We just didn't know how fast or slow it would take. We had either hours or a couple days at best. But she wasn't in pain. She was purring and rubbing her head for love.

We immediately wanted her picture taken with Ashton. So we carefully placed Fancy by our girl for a couple of shots. Ashton "knew" she was dying, but it didn't register on her what that meant. So she was all smiles.

I tried to have a conversation with her about life, death, Heaven and what that all meant. But Ashton seemed too unconcerned. And I didn't want to make her feel awful about it or upset. So I just let it lie. She did ask every now and then if Fancy was dead yet. She so didn't get delicacy of the situation. It was a bit upsetting how casual she was and heartbreaking it was for us. But we knew her innocence just couldn't wrap her head around it and trying to explain just wasn't working at the moment.

It was time for Ashton to get ready for bed. So after a couple hours she finally fell asleep. I visited with Fancy a bit and pet her, she was purring, but moving less and less.

Ashton cried, as usual. She woke up and didn't want to be alone. So I went up to be with her. She fell asleep after about half an hour.

I went to bed myself, as I felt awful. I knew my husband would wake me if any change came over Fancy.

I wasn't asleep, my head hurt too much, but he got me and I came downstairs to Fancy. She would barely breathe then take a deep breath. She was barely purring. She saw me and made a light almost meow. She then took a long stretch and curled up into a ball and slipped away.

Then like it was on cue, Ashton cried again. I went up and she didn't want to be alone. I sat there with her. Her daddy then came in with Fancy in the towel asking if Ashton wanted to say goodbye. Ashton lit up. She smiled really big and said, "Bye, Fancy!" and kissed her on her head. Then he took her out.

I told her that daddy was going to bury her. I don't think she understood what that meant. I was in too much pain to try and too tired. So I just told Ashton she could sleep in our room again tonight. But on the floor as we were sick.

Ashton did so promptly and happily.

This morning, I again lightly broached the subject letting her know that Fancy was gone and that she was now over the Rainbow Bridge in Heaven. Ashton asked to go see her. We told her she couldn't. She then said to go get a new Fancy. I told her we could never replace her. I told her if she wanted to talk to her she could fell her in her heart. I asked her if she could feel or hear her. She said no. Fair enough. But I told her that Fancy was watching over her now. Her personal kitty angel. But Ashton was no longer interested in the subject and wanted more toothpaste and was concentrating on the task at hand.

In the car Ashton asked if everyone died. That Dawson would die next as he was old. And then she asked if her China friends would die. I just kept telling her we didn't know when anyone would die, but eventually everyone does. But that it was okay, because we'd all be together then and that God would take care of us.

I told her daycare it was a rough night and morning and that she may have questions. I am sure she'll be distracted and just play most of the day. I hope so.

I don't know if tonight will bring more questions or just let it be. But either way, we miss you, Fancy.

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