Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Don't Leave me Alone

Overall, I think we are a very fortunate family. Many adoptive families have had attachment challenges, medical challenges, and so many hurdles to help overcome. Ashton has be relatively easy.

On Gotcha Day all the kids were mourning and wailing in fear. Rightfully so. Not our girl. She was chill, as long as you didn't take any of her food away. And since day one, she's always been "goes with the flow" carefree type of girl. Now don't get me wrong, she's 3. She does get stubborn and upset over silly things.

And yes, we've had our medical issues. All which have been resolved discreetly. The only SN that can easily be seen is her petite size.

We are not the norm when it comes to adoption. Our girl has been the best case scenario for a lot of instances. But when things do come up, we really notice. Whether it's adoption related or not.

Our biggest hurdle has been her sleeping. It's gotten a lot better over the past few months. She sleeps well some nights, others not so well. We play each night by ear. Sometimes we let her co-sleep with us. Others, we sit and rock her to sleep. Others we just let the dog sleep with her. We have a bag full of different remedies depending on her need that night. 

The trigger for her night problems. Almost every night she asks "Don't leave me" or "I don't want to be alone" before she sleeps. And I stay with her until she falls asleep. Usually that works. Not many children like the dark or want to be alone before bed. But because of her adoption, we do take this more seriously than if she wasn't.

Her fear of being alone or us leaving her happens anytime she is dropped off. Everyday when I drop her off at daycare, she clings and tells me not to leave, but 30 seconds later after I left, she's in good spirits. The exact same thing happens at Sunday school. And we make sure our seats are closest to the door so she can see us, just in case. But after we've left after a few seconds she's fine and all is well.

Even if LauLau is home with her and her Daddy and I go out, she make a big to-do about us leaving. We get that. But we always know she'll be fine once we're out the door. It's always helped my heart to know she brightens up after I'm gone. Otherwise, everyday would be so hard to leave her.

But that is usually how far it's gone. Night time before bed and drop offs at daycare or Sunday school.

Yesterday, at daycare she cried for about 45 minutes saying she didn't want me to leave her (And this happened while I was not there). Her daycare provider couldn't console her. She was concerned if she should call me at work or not. She didn't want to make her longing worse. Luckily, it only lasted that 45 minutes and the rest of the time was how it usually was - a happy-go-lucky girl.

This morning, the first thing she said when she woke up was, "Don't leave me". She clinged to me like glue. It took an extra 10 minutes to drop her off at daycare. She didn't cry, but she clung and kept asking me to stay.

Her daycare provider decided today she could be a special helper trying to help out the situation. And I told her today, she could call me at work if she wanted. I don't want to feed this, but I tell her I always come back. I reassured her the best I could. I tell her I have to work to feed and shelter her and that I'm coming back for her as soon as I can, like I do everyday.

She had no daycare last week and one of us parents were with her throughout that week, so maybe that is feeding into this?

But is this a phase or something deeper? I'm beginning to get concerned. This morning was heartbreaking. I can only hope her day goes better. This is going to be a rough morning being apart from her.

If I knew it'd help, I would have taken PTO and spent the day with her. But did that help last week? And what would tomorrow bring. I can't do this everyday, and I can't quit work and be a SAHM. Today will be hard until I know she's okay.

I can't tell her enough, I will never leave her alone. She will never be alone.
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