Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Broken Heart

What works one day, doesn't necessarily work the next. This is something you learn quickly with a child.

Ashton was doing so well. We watched the "Kissing Hand" every night and I drew a new heart on her hand every morning. She would love to show off the new color and she'd ask to watch the "Kissing Hand" as she enjoyed it so much.

However, even with these armed in my back pocket to help with separation anxiety, this morning it was to no avail.

She was clinging to me and this time, crying! It broke my heart.

I'm sure she thought I was breaking hers. I tried so hard to console her, but she couldn't listen to me over her sobbing. I just had to put her in the daycare provider's arms and walk away. It hurt so much.

I tried telling her I always come back. I tried telling her she could call me at any time. I told her I loved her. But it was on deaf ears. It didn't matter. All that mattered was I was leaving.

I have a few other things to yet try. But it's still no substitute for being there. How I wish I could. I'd love to just sit and rock her and hold each other. But in reality, bills must be paid and so I must work.

I try explaining that too to her. Yeah, so doesn't matter.

Hopefully, per her usual, she just bounced back after I left. I won't know until later today.

I just hated leaving her without her feeling secure. I feel as if I failed in that moment. And I want her to feel so loved, that she doesn't feel abandoned anytime I leave. But I know that sometimes, no matter what you do, they'll cry if you leave.

But I won't let that deter me. I will keep looking for answers to help her broken heart. And until I do, I can only pray that God helps calm her and let her bounce back quickly as she usually does.

But whether it's 5 minutes or 45 minutes of crying and missing her parents, it isn't easy and my poor heart breaks for her broken heart. I just want to hug her until all the pieces mend back together.
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