Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Fear Rollercoaster


Yesterday, before it was close to bedtime, Ashton pointed to a dog toy (a turtle) and asked if it was scary.  I think she's going through a phase.  She's unsure of what to be afraid of, and can't vocalize why it scares her.

I dreaded rocking her for bed last night, curious if she would want more things out of her room.  So I decided the last hour before bed we would play up all her favorite things to do to keep her mood happy.

I gave her a bubble bath.  We read stories together.  We danced and sang.  And intermittently during this time, she would ask about things in her room, scary or not.  I then tried asking her if she'd let us return her mirror to her room, and I would let her have lots of lotion.  (She loves lotion like crazy!  Wants more and more all the time.)  She agreed.

So we brought in the mirror.  She seemed hesitant.  I let her touch it.  And she would touch the scroll at the top for only a second and ask again, "It not scary?"  We then lotioned her up to her hearts content.  I rocked her and when I put her to bed (she's never asleep) I gave her 2 blankets, two daisies (pillowcases to suck on), and a group of foxes to protect her.  She even asked to have Ace, her LARGE fox with her in her crib.

Of course I had to keep the door open.  It's not a big deal, except that means the cats can get in, and they usually want to jump into the crib with her which wakes her up and gives her a fright.

I promised to check in on her as I always do.  And she laid down.  Half an hour (not sleeping ever the entire time - I know because I checked in on her as I promised) later she was screaming.  I walked in and rocked her again, stroked her back, had Daddy do the same, and after another hour got her to bed.  Got her situated with all her protectors and left the room.

In 20 minutes, she was asleep.  I took a picture of her being peaceful and with her bodyguards.  

She goes to bed several hours earlier then we do.  (And that's the only time I get anything done around the house or have me time).  So luckily getting her to sleep didn't stop me from getting any sleep last night.

And boy have I needed it!  I've been working 10-12 hour days at work non-stop for a while.  I'm so brain fried!!

I leave for Iowa next week for our conference.  So this week has been hectic getting it all together (as well as the Indy conference the following week) and getting out a huge statewide RFP yesterday!  I think I'll start feeling more myself by the end of next week, just in time for our new puppy!!

However, with her new fears, leaving her for Iowa will be heart wrenching!  I am afraid for her, that she'll bond closer to daddy more than ever and not need me, and just all those little things.  But I'm sure it'll be fine.  I hope I get to skype with her while gone.

Last year, I only got to skype with her once.  And when I returned home, my little girl became a daddy's girl and wouldn't even acknowledge my existence for a few days!!  It was so hard!!

Hopefully, this year will be different.  I pray she will be brave and be ready for a kiss and hug when I come back!
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